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When You Have a ‘Missed’ Miscarriage

guest October 5, 2012

Image by janineomg

If you have ever had one, you will never forget. The question runs on loop: “How could I not know?”

What is a “Missed” Miscarriage?

A missed miscarriage occurs when the in-utero baby dies, but the mother is experiencing no signs of impending loss.   Often times, the mother may continue to have pregnancy-like symptoms and have experienced no bleeding, cramping, or other signs of concern. The transition back to a pre- pregnancy state can sometimes be delayed for two months or even longer.

The devastating news of ‘miscarriage’ comes as quite a shock. In a situation of missed miscarriage, it would be quite common for the woman to attend a normal prenatal checkup thinking everything is just fine, only to find out that her baby is gone, and may have been gone for some time. A missed miscarriage is often revealed through the inability to obtain fetal heart tones with a Doppler at a regularly scheduled prenatal visit. An ultrasound may then be done to establish fetal viability.

The sequence of events, leading up to the resulting ‘missed’ loss, can result in pain that is unique. With a missed miscarriage, it is often a complete emotional derailment and may result in feelings that one’s body has betrayed the mind.

Though the baby has been gone, the body has continued in some or all symptoms of pregnancy. The breasts may stay enlarged and morning sickness may continue for some time. The duration and extent to which the physical symptoms recede into that of pre-pregnancy is highly individual. The new mother continues to live with a pregnancy body. Her mind knows that any day could be the day the body becomes privy. One day soon, her body will rebel, empty the uterus, and forge forward toward the next cycle of womanhood.

Emotional Aspects of Missed Miscarriage

This waiting is often emotionally excruciating. Once it is determined that the pregnancy has ended, there are options. A mother may choose to undergo a dilation and curettage (D&C) or vacuum procedure under the care of hospital staff to quickly remove remnants of pregnancy from the uterus.

Some women may choose to allow their bodies to dictate the process and pass the pregnancy naturally. The natural miscarriage process can take some time. First trimester losses typically only take one or two months. The waiting is probably the number one reason many women opt against the natural course seeking surgical removal.

Women who choose to carry the pregnancy to natural end should seek care from their midwife or obstetrician and remain in contact, attending regular follow up appointments. Your provider can give you recommendations and advice regarding proper care, what to expect physically, how to monitor temperature and discharge, as well as provide any follow-up care needed.

If you are Rh-negative, a suspected miscarriage would be a reason for discussing obtaining a RhoGam shot from your health care provider, as blood mixing can occur.

When there is no determined reason for loss of pregnancy, the mother may wish to seek out ways to strengthen her body for a next pregnancy. Some things may include: increasing folic acid in the diet; drink a Red Raspberry leaf tea infusion daily; improve overall nutrition; limit drinking, smoking, caffeine and other substance abuse; consider obtaining acupuncture or other complimentary care; if over or under weight, work to obtain proper weight for height.

Have you ever experienced a “missed” miscarriage?  What helped you to get through it?

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45 Comments

  1. I just went through this. I am so thankful that I waited to miscarry naturally. The wait was long (3 weeks after we found out. The baby would have been 10 weeks 4 days.) but I trusted God and my body to know when it was time to let go. For me, this meant that I was ready for the trauma of the physical loss, and feeling the physical pain helped me work through the emotional pain. We have never quite been clear on the status of our fertility (complications with me, and a vas reversal for my husband), so I am thankful every single day that God allowed me to “feel” pregnant for as long as I did. I have the joy of knowing that I will always be a mama!

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    • Omgoodness I just recently went through this one week ago. My baby was dead for 4 weeks before I found out so sad .I’m now getting knowledge on what is a missed miscarriage … what an eye opener.

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  2. My first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage. It was really all so traumatic.
    I had only been married three months when I was suddenly pregnant (I was 20). Very unexpected. We trusted that God knew what He was doing because we were (still are!) young and poor. Then, at my 12 week appointment I had a second ultrasound only to see.. nothing. Our baby had virtually vanished, but I had no idea. I still didn’t really even understand what had happened until we were moved to an examination room (after being sent back out to the waiting room. which I still have beef about) and my doctor started telling me this was unexpected.
    My heart and mind felt very betrayed, but we still clung to the truth of God being in control! We just didn’t understand.
    I did schedule a D&E, but my body began naturally miscarrying two days after the appointment (they suspected that my baby had died about four weeks earlier). I did go to the ER when the bleeding was more severe than expected. But, I am glad that it happened naturally and I would choose that route if I ever had to again. Though I pray not.

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  3. My first pregnancy ended with a missed miscarriage. I was 12 weeks pregnant and did start having spotting. When I went to the hospital, I found out that the baby had died 3 weeks earlier. All pregnancy symptoms were still there, but the baby had no heartbeat. I did end up scheduling a D&C because I did not feel I could handle the emotional pain of naturally miscarrying, especially since I didn’t know how long it would take. The entire experience was devastating to my husband and me. That was my first baby and will always be my first baby, no matter how many other children we have.

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    • Jessie. I have gone thru the same horrible incident in 2011. I hope you have recovered but I have not been able to recover 100% of the way. Years and years later I surpatically have emotional outbreaks of pain and uter distress. How have you dealt with the situation?

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  4. A few months ago I found out I was pregnant my very first time. My boyfriend and I where very excited. I had been wanting a baby for over 2 years. I went to the Dr when I was 4 weeks and got to see my very small baby. The Dr asked me to come back for an ultrasound the very next week because it was too small to get a due date. The second ultrasound showed a slightly larger little spec but there was no heartbeat.. the ultrasound tech told me not to worry it usually doesn’t show that early. Then I got a call from the Dr saying my ultrasounds where inconsistent with each other and they wanted to do a 3rd one. Of course I freaked out and thought the worst. I went to the 3rd appointment and it showed a tiny 6 week baby with a heartbeat. I was so glad and I thought my baby was ok but my mother worried that the baby wasn’t growing right. I waited 2 weeks and went to the ob very excited to see my baby again. Not long after they inserted the sonogram instrument they told me the baby was only measured at 6 weeks 3 days and there was no heartbeat. I was devastated and did not hear any other word they said after that. Heartbroken I went back home and cried myself to sleep. I still have my sweet angel inside of me and it’s been 3 weeks but the Dr does not want to do a d&c. The wait is agonizing and I can’t help but feel like it was my fault, though I know it wasn’t. 🙁 I wouldn’t wish this heartbreak on anyone.

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    • I’m very sorry to hear about your loss,I’m going through the same thing, please can you tell me how long it took for you to miscarry naturally?

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      • Im in the same place too… two weeks since embryo stopped growing:-( I have an appointment to discuss options tomorrow. I know it sounds awful but with the lead up to a busy holiday season Im not sure I can cope with the uncertainty of when it will happen naturally. I had no idea such things existed before we fell pregnant….

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      • I am only 20years old, this would have been my first baby too, me and my husband were sooo excited. My parents would have been grandparents. I went for a scan last week. They said my baby doesn’t have a heartbeat. I broke my heart, and i cannot stop thinking about it. I opted for a second scan just for a miricle, but doctors were 100% sure. My mind and body just does not want to believe that. I want it to happen naturally, but I’m scared that will take forever, and its killing me thinking i couldnt look after my baby :'(

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  5. I am going through this right now. Hopefully my story will help someone else out there:
    The long story is that my husband and I moved from the west coast back east this past September. In August I stopped the pill because our insurance was going to change and the pill I was on at full price was ridiculous. I have been trying to go “natural” with most other things in my life so I figured that the hormone pills each month weren’t necessary and if we get pregnant we are ready. 🙂 I am not sure what my real cycle had turned into as we experienced new stress and I was actually exercising more since we got a membership at the YMCA. In November I had a two day cycle and I thought that the exercising and stress maybe caused me to have a different cycle. December rolled around with Christmas and my husband traveling with work and it never occured to me to ever take an at home pregnancy test. When my period didn’t come the week of Christmas I didn’t even suspect anything and the first week of January I had one day of a “flow” and thought oh my, what if I am experience “peri-menopause”?? Well, it wasn’t until after my pap smear results from 12/20 my annual exam and estabilishing care with a physician in our new city, was it discovered at an abnormal pap smear procedure appointment, that the “pee in a cup” test announced I was pregnant! Now let me tell you how this unexpected news affected me and my mom (who was visiting since my husband had to travel an entire week.) So I take this news home and see my husband the next day who after letting our dog tell him with a message on his collar he would be a “canine big brother hopefully in 9 mths”, our physician schedules a Pregnancy Confirm visit the next week (1/30). We go to the apointment and it was determined we were going to have our first ultrasound. The tech not OB does both abdominal and vaginal and there was no heartbeat detected with either. The measurement was 8 wks and 5 days and I was at the other side of extreme shock. I had only been told I was pregnant less than a week earlier. So of course she gave me options to either wait it out naturally, take a medicine to induce the misscarriage or have a surgery. Although I agreed at first for a surgery because three weeks sounded like eternity, my husband and I went home and of course I had to google “8 weeks and no heartbeat” and “misdiagnosis misscarriage” – Boy did my attitude change and I wanted a second opinion. I had to travel this week to visit familly because my husband was again going to be traveling for an entire week and there was a chance I might have to go through this “natural misscarriage” alone. So far no bleeding and Monday I was able to see a local OB who accepted our insurance and was a friend of my brother and his wife. Again we did a preg test and it showed still pregnant with HCG and then the vaginal US showed more detail this time but no heartbeat and the OB said with full confidence that it was an abnormally growing fetal developement and there should be a heartbeat. I scheduled the D&C for tommorow morning and today has really been tough even though I know biologically and medically there is no hope a heartbeat would just magically appear. Although my pregancy symptoms were never really evident besides noticing I did have fuller breasts and even though I usually frequent the restroom, this had significantly incresaed as well. The past two days since my 2nd US, I have had period like cramps and a fullness in my abdomen which is lower. It feels like things are already moving but I really cant bear at this point to wait anymore. It is not that my husband and I were “trying” or that we are impatient to “try again”, but knowing I am carrying something inside me that isn’t living is difficult to grasp. I dont’ think waiting naturally would aid the situation especially after seeing in more detail what I would be passing. Anyone else currently dealing with this? How did you share with anyone other than your family?

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  6. In January I found out that I was 8 weeks pregnant. It wasn’t planned and I was on the pill, but have since found out that for some reason the pill doesn’t work for me. It was my second pregnancy, but my first child. I had had a miscarriage a few years previous at around 15 weeks and had to have a d&c for it to be removed. My partner already has two kids and so we were ready for the baby. After the initial shock of finding out I was pregnant, I then started to get excited, thinking of names and wanting to go shopping. My morning sickness was so severe that I was nearly hospitalized a few times. I went to my first appointment and got my folder and all my future appointment dates and that’s when it sunk in that I was going to be a mum. A few weeks later was my first scan and I was so excited. I was 12 weeks pregnant. At the ultrasound i seen the nurses face as she struggled to find anything and she then performed an internal vaginal ultrasound. Thats when she told us that our baby had died and we were left with thenever We were never told how old our baby was when we lost it, so i will never know. I chose the option to miscarry naturally as to be honest I just wanted to get out of the hospital with all the pregnant woman in front of me. I went home and I cried and that’s when the bleeding started. I had read that it would be light and spotted, however that wasn’t the case. It was really heavy and really painful. After 3 weeks like this I then started having contractions, I was in the fetal position and everything and panting like I was giving birth. I was like this for 2 days having contractions every few minutes. I would have went to the hospital but we don’t have a car and have no money for a taxi and I didn’t want toeing an ambulance as I thought it would he silly. When the contractions finally ended I felt so depressed as I just been through all that pain and had nothing to show for it, no baby to hold. Today it is 5 weeks since my miscarriage and I am still bleeding, although it’s still a lot it’s a lot less than I was. I’m still passing tissue occasionally. Sorry tmi! And although my grieving hasn’t stopped, I do feel a lot better. Because I had already previously had a miscarriage I didn’t tell my family. So the only people that know is myself and my boyfriend, we are both dealing with it in completely different ways, because I carried the baby my loss is a lot more emotional. Whereas he never bonded with the baby cos it wasn’t there he couldn’t feel it, I think he is just upset over me being upset.

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    • Sorry I don’t mean to make you relive this horrible time in life but I have a question for you. after 5 weeks of bleeding did you end up having to go to the hospital for a D&C? I have been reading online about this and it seems that if the bleeding lasts that long they think there could be excess tissue left inside that needs to be removed.

      I ask this because unfortunately I am going through the same thing right now. This is my husband and I first child or would’ve been and I went in for a check up at 12 weeks and was told that the baby was only the size of 7 weeks 5 days and that the heartbeat was really low and that they would send an urgent message to my doctor. A couple days later i was able to see my doctor only to find out the baby actually had no heartbeat but the technician didn’t want to tell me that during the ultrasound. So its been about 4 weeks now, and no bleeding or cramping has started. I still have tender breasts and have that pregnant feel but really I shouldn’t be since it’s not alive. Anyway, I’m opting for the natural route of miscarrying but am afraid of all the pain and how long the bleeding will last for etc…

      My husband is beyond devastated but he is keeping it to himself… hiding away from the world .. which i totally understand. I don’t want to be around ppl either, especially those that knew I was pregnant because they just keep asking “how are you”, or keep saying “I’m so sorry”.. which none of it helps.

      My condolences to everyone on here that has been through this, and hope to God that nobody else would have to experience it again. its one thing to miscarry but its another thing when the body won’t let go of it.

      Terribly heartbroken!!

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    • Becky, first off I am extremely short for your loss. I know the feeling because I went through the same thing. I do want to suggest that you go to the hospital because I was experiencing the same thing and thank God I went to the hospital because they told me that I had left over tissue that I did not pass and it is extremely dangerous and can be fatal. I really hope that you see this and go because if that is the case they need to do a D&C on you as soon as possible! I’m sorry, I don’t mean to scare or upset you but it’s better to be safe than sorry. Best wishes in this time of healing.

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      • Oh god, I did not realise your comment was from 2013. I really hope that you saught out medical attention :/

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        • Hi Gabby – I see that you wrote this recently so I was happy I could reach out to someone who’s experiencing this right now. I found out yesterday that my baby had no heartbeat. I was 8 weeks, 4 days and the doctor believes it died about a week ago. Still little to no symptoms…light spotting and cramping. I’m still in shock with bouts of being okay to hysterical.

          I wish it would pass already (while I really don’t because it’s so hard to grasp) and my doctor wouldn’t be able to see me until Tuesday anyway. It’s a huge comfort reading everyone’s similar stories. This is my first pregnancy and it took my husband and I 14 months to get here. I feel lost and hopeless.

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  7. Here is my situation if anyone has any encouraging words of advice. I went to get an ultrasound at what I thought was 6w5d. The radiology tech said that I measured at about 6 weeks just like I thought but that there was no fetal heartbeat. She got another lady whom I believed to be a doctor. This lady stated that I was at about 9-10 weeks and that the baby probably stopped developing 2 weeks prior. I got my hcg levels checked that folloWing week (7w5) that I had to beg for and my hcg levels had gone from 1560 four weeks prior to 20, 000. My doctor was reluctant to do anything else after the US showed no heart beat and pushed for a D&C. I got another hcg level drawn that folloWing Saturday (8w2d) and my levels dropped to 18, 000. My doctor is convinced it is a missed miscarriage (which occurred at 7 weeks per the US )and is still pushing for a D&C but because all of the miscommunication/ misinformation from all Different people, I almost just want to wait until natural miscarriage occurs. I have nOt had any symptoms and in a bit of denial partially because I don’t trust my OB. Any insight?

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  8. @becky, ….you just wrote my life story there. I am now 1 week post natural miscarriage and still bleeding. This is my third miscarriage, and I still feel out of sorts….

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    • Hello my name is martika I had my first missed miscarriage wen I was 8 weeks not knowin my baby didnt have a heart beat I was so excited to finally get to see my lil peanut for the first time it broke my heart I was 22 @ the time.. my sec miscarriage was wen I was four months I had my baby boy he didnt survive I gave birth to him it literally broke me in two I still cry till dis day I was 24.. now im 25 I recently had another miscarriage june 28 of this year I found out the 24 I was pregnant I went to the hospital the 27 my level was 16 I went bac the next morning due to me bleeding my level dropped to 5 where they told me I was having a miscarriage.. these passed years has been a nitemare…

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  9. I am not sure what I had but I am suppose to be 9 – 10 weeks pregnant..went for first sonar on 30-08-2013.. Only to found out from him I’m not pregnant anymore, yet I still have the symptoms after sonar. I started having pains and cramps and spotting 2 days ago before the sonar and day of sonar morning early as I woke heavy bleeding and I started phoning when I got there he did the sonar and told me I have no baby..did a pregnancy test right there which came out negative and still waiting on blood tests =( this sucks

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  10. This completely rocked my world. Found out I was pregnant. It was unplanned but not unwanted. I adjusted and became super excited. Had an US at 8 weeks and the little blob had a great heartbeat. Had morning sickness and sore breats and every other symptom. Went for scheduled 12 week exam and brought the DVD to record the US. I was excitedly watching the giant US screen and could tell immediately there was no heartbeat and the baby DiDNT seem as developed as it should. Long story short, it was a missed miscarriage. Baby had died at 10 weeks and I had no clue. I was completely devastated and caught off guard. The shock was the worst. I opted for D&C because I couldn’t handle the waiting. It’s been 4 days and I’m still so shocked. I feel so betrayed by my own body.

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  11. I am 48 and last week confirmed pregnant with hpt. This is my 3rd pregnancy. First time at 43 miscarried at 6 weeks. Second time at 46 missed miscarriage at 9 weeks, baby died at 7weeks. Only 5 weeks now and not getting my hopes up. Really scared about another missed miscarriage and I guess at my age anything possible. Will wait another 2 weeks before I have blood test and scan. Wish me luck

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  12. Also going through this now. I found out at 10+2 that there was no heartbeat and baby was nowhere near the size it should have been. It likely stopped developing about 5-6 weeks. It took my body a further 2 weeks to realise it. I went through a week of the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. 4 days of slowly increasing contractions. That was 2 weeks ago. There is still tissue remaining and no sign of it coming away on its own apart from light spotting daily. Throughout this experience the Drs and treatment I have had has been compassionless and I have been refused d&c or medication. It’s only been just over 3 weeks since we found out but it feels like months. For anyone going through this my heart goes out to you. I find the emotional strain terrible and would really like it to be over. Nature will hopefully take it’s course and life will go on. Best of luck to all of you in the same boat.

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  13. Hi there I have wanted to have a baby for a few years now… I am 29 now, 30 in February. My Boyfriend and I have been together a little over 4.5 years now we both decided a year ago we wanted to sorta just try and let it happen if it will so not really forcing anything but he said to me one day “I don’t want to be 60 and trying to have a baby lol”… Although we are not married and although his family would prefer we were first, my parents do not care and neither do we.

    I have had problems getting pregnant and found out May 9th 2013 that it is because I have a irregular menstrual cycle and I don’t always ovulate…
    After my PAP May 9th my BF and I had sex that night… I found out that I was pregnant in May 28th so apparently I conceived the day after we had sex.

    I have had so much trouble getting pregnant for so long I finally thought that I possible couldn’t or that either myself or my boyfriend were not fertile. I was only 2 day’s late for my period I have had plenty of cycles that I have been as far as 12 days late and never had positive pregnancy results… I had bought 2 cheap dollar store tests and decided to do one (I don’t know how many preg’ tests I have done in that past 6 years even with my ex bf but NEVER saw a positive result… until now)…

    I did the test sat it on the counter in the bathroom and went out into the living room completely forgot about it then about an hour later I had to pee lol so I went into the bathroom saw the test sitting there and said to myself “oh ya”.. I had completely forgot about it!… I looked at it thinking to myself “ya right I’ve never seen a positive line ever not even faintly”… BUT IT WAS THERE.. VERY FAINTLY BUT IT WAS POSITIVE … I called my mom and said I think I am but.. I said I’m gonna go and get a few different tests to see if they all show positive… so I did… and every single one showed up YES positive and said 1-2 weeks so add 2 …so 3-4 weeks at that time… But when I did the online pregnancy calculator it said in week 5….

    So I found out May 28th I was pregnant then I had been sooo tired lately and been sleeping in the afternoons in between work (I work for Red Cross so I do home care and I do split shift so out every morning and then after dinner for my clients)… I also had been slightly nauseous in the mid-mornings but if I ate Breakfast I felt better.

    Then I had had cramping slightly wed and thursday… thursday more stronger… and still very tired and beat… for the 3 weeks before I had very tender breasts so I thought mabie and they were soo tender in the shower and as soon as I would get home I would take my bra off and put on a loose t-shirt and basically sleep the afternoon away until I had to get ready for work again…

    But like every time before when I thought I was pregnant I didn’t want to get my hopes up we had been trying for soo long… I woke up friday morning only knowing I was pregnant for 3 days and sooo happy
    … I got up about 6:15am that morning and I went to the bathroom sat down to pee and pulled my pants down to change and there was dark red blood… like a normal period I stood up looked into the toilet and there was more blood I was scared I didn’t have any signs from cramping in the night which I would normally have if I was going to get my period also I knew you could have slight spotting but this was bad…
    I called my mom and I guess I didn’t explain how much I was bleeding because she had said just call into work and then lay back in bed for a while and rest… so I did but the cramping started and really badly… I always have VERY bad cramping and clotting when I get my periods but this was extreme… So I woke up my boyfriend and he suggested I call tel-a-health… so I did she recommended I go straight to the hospital bc it sounded as tho it was a miscarriage :(…. I went they took me in right away.. urine test, blood test and 3.5 hours later the DR finally came back in the room and said unfortunately my HGC LEVELS WERE LOW AND GOING DOWN SO THEREFOR I AM MISCARRYING :(… I was in sooo much pain and he said there was no need to do a ultrasound…. or DNC…

    I was told by friends who have also miscarried that It is more easy to get pregnant again right after a miscarriage as they did… But I have got my period twice since the miscarriage and last moth really badly so bad I had to take a day off work I was soo soar nauseated and VERY weak soo weak I couldn’t eat it made me sick to think about eating even and I had a shower in the afternoon to go to my BF parents to pick something up and I should NEVER have been even driving I was soo weak and nauseated.

    Anyway It was very upsetting and even more bc It hasn’t been easy like my friends and others say it is easy to get pregnant again since the MISS so I am very frustrated… But I feel bloated and sometimes soar in my lower right side I am afraid I was mabie further along than I thought or really just thinking of all the worst possibilities.. cysts or cancer .. etc… I never had a ultra sound or anything…

    Anyway thanks for listening! 🙂
    I even had a client of mine who is Greek bless me and my stomach with holly water and everything twice now in the past month… crossing my fingers and praying to Mother Mary to get pregnant again.

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    • Hey Kim. First of all, I’m so glad that you posted this. It is a VERY hard thing to do. As you know, I mirirasced about 1 month after you, and I struggled with it for a LONG time. Even this past summer, when I first found out my cousin-in-law was pregnant, I felt more bitterness than joy. I felt like this despite knowing that TJ and I were going to start trying again very soon. It is just so hard. It is a sense of loss that you can’t even begin to grasp unless you’ve been through it. I now stand here on the other side of things (I’m so sorry if my posts are too much for you…I totally understand), and now I can say that it is all in God’s timing. It sounds like that is the easy thing to say, but, honestly, it’s true. Having a miscarriage has allowed me to appreciate this little miracle so much more than if I hadn’t gone through that loss. Actually, I wouldn’t even have this miracle if it weren’t for our miscarriage. Although I was starting to come to terms with my miscarriage just before we got pregnant, I don’t think I was able to feel that joy for other people until I got pregnant again myself. God knows what He’s doing. He will bless you and Leo with a baby when the time is right even if it may not seem like it at the time. I’m here for you if you need me! Hugs!

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  14. Thought this 2nd pregnancy was going smoothly. With my first pregnancy, I spotted off and on for my entire first trimester. I even had really bad cramping. The nurse line said it was fine when I was 4 weeks; the RN at my 8 week check said it was fine; the Dr at my 12 week appt said it was fine. Well it was and I have a one year old son. We decided we were ready and wanted a second child and things seemed fine. I didn’t have a lot of symptoms the first time around, nor did I this time. The implantation cramping was absent which I was fine with. My boobs never did get sore or swell. Minimal nausea but it was there from time to time. So I started to spot a little last weekend and thought nothing of it because my husband and I had sex. So it was off and on then for the past week. Again I wasn’t concerned considering how my first pregnancy went. I went for my 8 week appt yesterday and this time the RN after I mentioned my spotting said she wanted to get an ultrasound. So she sent me to u/s and that’s when I found out baby didn’t have a heartbeat. Baby measured at 6 weeks 1 day but the Dr who came to talk to me after said that often times they shrink a little afterwards which in the early stages can drastically change the estimated age. So she is thinking it maybe happened just a few days ago. I’ve still had minimal spotting and feel like nothing has changed. It was such a slap in the face to go from thinking everything was fine to find out I’m just waiting for an impending miscarriage. I go see my primary OB on Tuesday to see where things are at and discuss options. I’m hoping to avoid a D&C after talking with the Doctor Friday and reading the paperwork they gave me, I am afraid of the effects it can have on fertility. But I just don’t know how long I can handle to wait…. We hadn’t told anyone yet so I’m glad I don’t have to tell everyone this news. But I had already started thinking about how we would make our announcement and started thinking names. Feel like I must have missed something, some sign, some symptom, something. I hate the feeling of not knowing how long this will take and when we might be able to try again.

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    • Hi Danielle – I’m going exactly through this right now. How did everything turn out for you? Looking for some hope.

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  15. I just miscarried my first pregnancy on sat the 18th of oct. I was so excited I was 8 weeks, I had been having brown discharge off and on for two weeks, but I was told that it was possibly breakthrough bleeding, spoke with different docs and midwives as I’m an ob nurse so I work with newborns and their moms. I had an ultrasound at 7 weeks and I measured 6 weeks and 2 days with a hb of 106. The 17th I went to the er, they cultured my discharge and I had another ultrasound just to be shown a baby with no hb, they gave me pain medicine and said I would miscarry naturally, my baby died measuring 6 weeks and 6 days, my God it was so painful, I had contractions and saw a small sac when it came out. It’s so hard to deal with, I’m still bleeding heavily and I’m praying that I get pregnant again soon, as I continue to take my prenatal vitamins. I hate that I am about to go to work today and see the moms and their new bundles of joy, I hope I can survive. I hate when people say at “least you know u can get pregnant u are only 30”. God bless everyone with a next healthy pregnancy and delivery.

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  16. I went for my dating ultrasound yesterday, at 11w3d. I knew instantly something wasn’t right, I didn’t see a baby anywhere. Turns out all that was there was a fetal pole and a yolk sac, measuring “5 or 6, but let’s go with 6” weeks. No signs of life. I was told to wait another week because I could just not be as far along as I thought, or I could have lost the first one and gotten pregnant again. Both scenarios are impossible because we haven’t been intimate since the end of August, and I started getting my BFP’s on Sep. 1. I was really hoping that since I knew it was gone my body would soon realize it, but so far I still don’t have any symptoms of it happening anytime soon. I have had ZERO spotting this pregnancy, and my symptoms are flaming still. I would really prefer a D&C at this point, but my options won’t even be discussed until my ultrasound in 6 days. So here I am, for over 5 weeks I’ve thought I was having a healthy pregnancy and it is not at all the case. I haven’t read too many stories of people who waited this long to either have it expel naturally or to opt for a D&C, so the wait is horrible.

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  17. […] A guest writer on Modern Alternative Pregnancy shares her thoughts on experiencing a missed miscarriage, and the emotional toll that that can take on the mother. This is what happened with my husband and I’s baby, and I found her post extremely thorough- especially when an MMC is a foreign concept to many. You can read this post here. […]

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  18. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year and a half. And shockingly we found out in September 2013 that we were expecting a baby. We instantly became excited about our bundle of joy. Had already picked out names and were in the process of moving in together. We went to have an US when I was 7w 6d and our baby had a string heartbeat of 167bpm. Then at 11 w we went for a followup only to find out our baby had passed away at 9w 4d with no signs or symptoms of loss. We choose to move forward with the D&C this past Thursday when I should have been 12 weeks pregnant. Trying to heal but feel a hole in my heart. Hoping for a healthy baby in the future. But I will always remember the loss of my Angel.

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  19. I am going through missed miscarriage right now. I was pregant last Oct. of 2012 and been having spotting and bleeding and end up at the ER. 2 weeks later which is seems like eternity we found out that I had ectopic pregnancy. I got pregnant again this last Sept. We are surprised but very excited. We had an early ultrasound/ transvaginal and saw the baby’s heartbeat and measured 6 weeks and 3 days. I had some spotting during bowel movement and the doctor said there is nothing to worry about it is very common. I had all the symptoms,nausea,vomiting, sore breast etc. We went to doctor yesterday for 12 weeks check up and couldnt find the baby’s heartbeat in the doppler,she did an ultrasound and did the transvaginal and she said it doesnt look good. She send us to the radiologist next door and they did another transvaginal ultrasound and theres no heart beat, the doctor confirmed that our baby died around 8 weeks and my body hasnt realized it yet. They gave us options what to do next and gave us sometime to thik about it. My husband and I went home and shock of what just happened,all this time i felt pregnant. We decided to do the D&C since its been 4 weeks that I am carrying our dead baby, Im schedule for D&C tomorrow and I am at peace with our desicion. We are in emotional wreck right now but one thing I know is that we gonna be able see those beautiful babies in heaven one day. We are trusting God that one day He will give us the baby that meant for us. Im sorry for your loss,you are not alone.

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  20. I found out I had a missed miscarriage when at twelve weeks I just didn’t feel right. I couldn’t put my finger on it but I made my boyfriend convinced enough that we went to ermerg. There the doctor listened with a doplar and said there was no heartbeat and fit me in for an emergency ultrasound. The tech did a scan and then told me she had to do an internal. It was then that I knew it was over. My boyfriend wasn’t allowed in the room with me so I sat there trying to hard to hold it together but my body went into shock, I couldn’t stop shaking. The doctor back in the exam room said there was no heartbeat and then sent us home…totally not educated and with no knowledge of what was going to happen. That night I lay on the bathroom floor cramping, bleeding and throwing up. Thank god for my boyfriend who saw me through that horrible night and the next week of horror. I went to see my nurse practitioner the next day who did an internal and said I hadn’t fully lost all products of conception. She gave me the vaginal pills and when they didn’t work I had to have another ultra sound (another round of my body going into uncontrollable shakes) and then an emergency d and c. Two weeks later I got my period and another month after that I got a positive pregnancy test. I am awaiting blood tests and an ultra sound but I am dreading another miscarriage and that ultrasound room…I can’t make myself believe that this pregnancy will end in anything but another miscarriage. It doesn’t help that I have been feeling less than normal pregnancy symptoms. I wish I could just enjoy a pregnancy. Fingers and toes crossed that I am pregnant with a healthy baby this time. The support from these boards really helps. No one gets what you go through until they go through it themselves.

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  21. I am going through a miscarriage right now, and don;t know what to expect.
    I found out last thursday at our 12 week scan, the heart stopped beating at 9 weeks and I just felt like I was pregnant for those next 3 weeks.
    Unfortunately, with it being the Easter Break I have yet to see my doctor, the bleeding has started and I don’t want to deal with the clotting. I am desperate to have a D & C but I’m scared that the doctor will stay because I’ve started bleeding I just have to pass it naturally.
    I don’t want to do that.

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  22. Here’s my story, last saturday june 07,2014 my baby would have been 11 weeks, I was very excited, having my first baby. That morning I went to the toilet to pee, but when I sat I saw blood on my undies. I called the clinic immediately for check up, I had a transvaginal ultrasound doc said she can’t see anything thru the belly. To my dismay. the fetus only measured 6 weeks old and no heartbeat. I bursted into tears the moment she told me about the posibility of Mmc, 2 days later I started bleeding and gushing clots. After everything I went thru I still feel hopeful.

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  23. Hello my name is martika I had my first missed miscarriage wen I was 8 weeks not knowin my baby didnt have a heart beat I was so excited to finally get to see my lil peanut for the first time it broke my heart I was 22 @ the time.. my sec miscarriage was wen I was four months I had my baby boy he didnt survive I gave birth to him it literally broke me in two I still cry till dis day I was 24.. now im 25 I recently had another miscarriage june 28 of this year I found out the 24 I was pregnant I went to the hospital the 27 my level was 16 I went bac the next morning due to me bleeding my level dropped to 5 where they told me I was having a miscarriage.. these passed years has been a nitemare…

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  24. I went to the emergency room on 11/23/14 at 8 weeks and 1 day according to my LMP. I had experienced some pain the night before so I wanted to make sure everything was okay. My first prenatal visit wasn’t until Dec. 15 because the obgyn told me there is little they can do or know till 10 weeks. At the emergency room the technician performing my ultra sound was able to find and show me a very strong heart beat and healthy baby growing in my uterus, that she measured at about 8 weeks and 5 days; she gave me a picture to keep and show fiance. The doctor soon followed up her visit; he assured me that the pregnancy was healthy and that I had a small subchronic hemerorage that would more than likely clear itself by the end of my first trimester. He told me to take it easy and follow up with my obgyn Asap to get a follow ultrasound and talk about more instructions. I called my newly found obgyn the next day, where the staff was completely rude and treated me and my pregnancy as unimportant or a hindrance to their schedule. So, obviously I decided to try and find another option for care. And I did!! To my surprise the receptionist and nurses were appalled at the way I was treated and the lack of follow up care. They got me in on there next available appointment which was still so time out; but they assured me I would okay till my appointment on Dec. 10th. At my appointment I was 10 weeks pregnant and a couple days. The nurse practitioner assured me that I had nothing to worry about my levels were high that they had on record, and the subchronic hemororage was pretty common. She told me to go back to work and to my regular daily activities. She said that an ultra follow up ultrasound wasn’t necessary until the following month around the first of the year; the beginning on my second trimester. But, she said she was ordering more blood work and a urine sample just to be sure everything was still on the up and up; and assured me she would call if there were any pressing issues. I was completely relived and felt sort of dumb for over reacting and worrying so about my ultrasound and e.r visit. The month passed and I grew very attached to my baby that I was sure was my first little girl; and super excited to find out the real sex within the next few weeks of my next obgyn visit. I was scheduled to be seen on 01/07/14. The doctor was very sweet and we talked over my last visit for the first 1/2 hour. “Now let’s get a hear at that heartbeat, ” she said to my fiance and I. She layer me back and began rubbing the machine on my stomach. “You have a pretty active baby; it keeps running away from me,” she said. She tried for a few more minutes but could not find a steady heartbeat, “I’m getting traces of it, but I’m not getting a steady gold on it, so let find it on the ultrasound screen!”
    “Are you sure you are hearing traces of it?” I asked as my fiance and I were hearing nothing.
    “Oh yeah, I definitely heat it, the ultrasound will just help me to see the heartbeat and get a proper rate for it.” She left the room for a moment, a moment that felt like an eternity to me. After coming back with the ultrasound machine she positioned it to where my fiance and I had a full view. And the tiny baby I saw at 8 weeks and 5 days was still there slumped to the bottom of my uterus, with no strong heartbeat this time. The baby hadn’t grown an inch from my ultrasound photo and layer on its back at the base of my uterus. She quickly removed the ultrasound wand and told us that I had lost the baby at what looks like 8 1/2 weeks…she gave us our options for removal or natural miscarriage. I could stand the thought of seeing what may have happened naturally so we decided on an D&C. I was scheduled for the next morning 01/08/14 at 7:45 am. I haven’t slept since it’s only the 9th around 3 am but I can’t get my baby’s image dead in my uterus out of my mind…I can close my eyes without seeing it, I can barely stop the image from popping into my head all day. Our baby is gone now…and I know I need to deal…I just want her back so bad I feel like I can’t breath…I need to say goodbye to her but, I don’t know how to do that…

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  25. I also went for a u/s last week b/c I had a tubal reversal last summer so my fiancee and I could have a baby together. I am divorced with 2 kids and he also has 2 kids so we wanted one between us. The doctor thought that I might have an ectopic pregnancy so that was the reason for the u/s. Well, I never expected that I would be told that my baby had no heartbeat. And I was supposed to be 8w2d and I apparently only measured 7w. I have to go back next week for a follow up u/s to see if maybe my dates were wrong and to hopefully find a heartbeat. I have absolutely no miscarriage symptoms as of yet. And the emotional stress is unbearable. I have crying spells and I snap at my fiancee even though he is trying to be understanding and supportive. I just hope everything works out and if I do end up losing our baby that my body will recognize it soon so we can move on and hopefully be able to get pregnant again. I am sorry to read about everyones loses and I wish you all the best.

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  26. Hi Ladies,
    I went for a private reassurance scan this morning to find out there was just an empty sack with a very small baby in, far too small as for 10 weeks of pregnancy. No heartbeat. We have been trying for a baby for about 2 yrs b4 and I fell pregnant following Assisted Conception treatment (Tamoxifen) Went for an early scan at Assisted Conception Unit at the beginning of pregnancy where they said I was 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant and me and my husband saw fluttering heartbeat on the screen. My breasts have been a bit sore to start of with but around two weeks ago they kinda went back to normal. I was told that was natural though. I didn’t want to tell people at work I had a conception treatment b4 as I didn’t want to jinx anything. Today’s news are devastating for me and my husband as we werent expecting it. I never bled or had any physical symptoms so ever so disappointed and let down. Plus rely fearful of the future and future pregnancies ending in this excruciating and devastating way. We were both overjoyed at the thought of becoming parents and now all we’ve got is the feeling of disappointment and emptiness.

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  27. I had a missed miscarriage January 20th, 2015. I was so excited with it what I thought was going to be my first viable pregnancy, I sure was wrong. Baby had stopped growing four weeks prior to my appointment, I got to see my baby on the ultrasound but, we saw it was smaller than it should have been along without any kind of heart beat. Had another ultrasound which confirmed baby had died. And with it, a big part of me died with it. Doc and I discussed doing a D&C on that Thursday, baby had other plans, when I woke up the very next day, I discovered baby had started to pass itself and yet another part of my heart broke. All the way around, it was just a horrible experience. Even now, being pregnant again within 5 months of miscarrying that child, I’m petrified the same thing will happen with this one even though I’m now 14 weeks along, the fear never goes away, the only advice I can offer to anyone dealing with this is to just take things one day at a time. Couldn’t get much done besides get out of bed? That’s perfectly fine, so long as you DO get out of bed. After any kind of loss, it’s the baby steps that matter the most.

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    • Hi Rebecca – This is really exciting for me right now. I’m going through the same thing…found out my baby had no heartbeat yesterday morning. I feel like a zombie, and no symptoms have started yet.

      I hope everything turned out great for you and your new baby!

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  28. I’m going through this right now. I’m 41, my husband of 4 yrs & I have been trying nearly 6 yrs & decided to do a round of IVF which started on my 41st birthday. On April 12th we got the news that my HCG was 1366 & the clinic were expecting multiple pregnancies & our first scan was 2 weeks later at 6 weeks 5 days. The midwife could not find anything apart from a yolk & sac & it too the gynae to spot a fetal pole & a faint heartbeat so they gave survival a 50/50 chance. Our scan at 7 wks 4 days showed a tiny bit of growth & a strong heartbeat so we were more upbeat about the pregnancy. Today, our baby hasn’t grown & the heartbeat has disappeared so it looks like we had a missed miscarriage. We’ve a scan to confirm tomorrow & the Hosp with discuss our options. The little baby is still attached to my uterus & the sac & uterine lining are still reacting to a pregnancy along with all the pregnancy signs I’m feeling. The gynae reckons it will take up to 4 weeks to miscarry naturally but I do not want to have to continue going through this pain & am considering a d & c. Life can be so cruel & my heart goes out to all you ladies & their partners who’ve had to go through this pain!

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I’m Kate, mama to 5 and wife to Ben.  I love meeting new people and hearing their stories.  I’m also a big fan of “fancy” drinks (anything but plain water counts as ‘fancy’ in my world!) and I can’t stop myself from DIY-ing everything.  I sure hope you’ll stick around so I can get to know you better!

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